San Francisco

My parents met me in San Francisco for my doctors appointment. They met me on their anniversary and we all went out to dinner to celebrate, it was probably the first time in at least 15 years that they went to dinner with one of their children on their anniversary!

We made a stop at the beach, it was not warm.

A childhood friend reunion

Martha took us around to some of the sites, including the numerous heart sculptures.

This was right before my Dad ran up and down the stairs.

Full House anyone?

The trolley car. This was right before my Dad started breaking it down on the streets of SF.

Golden Gate

Lombard Street

I learned where Derek got his rental car driving skills. Apparently rental cars are not meant to be driven gently.

Chelsea and Jesse

My sister got married a couple of weeks ago. We flew back to SLC for a whirlwind week.

The couple of the moment at their wedding dinner.

Chelsea and Lambie

Getting ready for the reception

We julienned red peppers for hours. Literally.

Some cousins who came for the wedding.

to inhibitions

My Dad dancing on a street corner in San Francisco to show us why we should get past our inhibitions. He was quite disappointed that my Mom and I wouldn't join him but someone had to record the moment! This is why we love our Dad...

lone star

Jackson made a week long trip to the Lone Star state for interviews. There were many comparisons drawn to Friday Night Lights. Jackson took this picture because it reminded him of the opening scenes of FNL.

A couple of days in Dallas, which included staying with Allen and Whitney and a trip to see the Dallas Temple.

This is one of the pictures Jacks took to show me what Tyler, Texas is like. I am very relieved to see they have JC Penney...

Jackson stayed with my brother in Austin and made a stop to see Trevor's office (he saw Derek's office last May when he was there).

Jackson remembers

the Alamo, do you?

Downtown Austin and the State Capital Building

Jackson makes sure to visit sporting venues, pictured here are the AT&T Center and some random high school stadium.

Savannah borrowed our camera and had a photo shoot with Jackson as her model.

Me and Savvy (I am on the computer).

in remembrance

The 1997 Ford Taurus has died a slow death. It has been hanging on by a thread for the last four years or so. This winter it finally kicked the bucket. Well actually we thought it kicked the bucket and then a maintenance worker in our development contacted us wanting to buy it. We thought he was a sucker and he probably thinks we are. The Taurus and I spent ten good years together, it was my first real car. Here are some memories...

The Taurus is one of those throw back cars that can seat three in the front. My junior year of high school my friends, Kim and Melissa, insisted upon all three of us sitting in the front and then proceeded to rock out to The Sound of Music. We were hard core.

I Lived out of the back of the car my senior year of high school. I literally had changes of clothes in the back seat, it was a long commute between home and school.

Still having most of that stuff in the car two years later and Jacqueline begging me to let her help clean it out.

The Taurus is a boat, the seats are so big and comfortable. It feels luxurious.

Thomas and Phoebe would call the Taurus "the old car." Thomas also nicknamed it "the tortoise."

Jackson fixing the belt in the Taurus and giving himself a bloody nose.

Using a tape adapter to play Cd's.

My Mom hit a deer with the side view mirror. I was in charge of getting it replaced so I had to order a new mirror and paint it to match the car. I also had to ride the UTA to school until it was fixed. Camille felt bad and ended up driving me school more often than not.

The Taurus is not unlike Herbie. The trunk sometimes opens by itself. It decides what day it will let you adjust the volume of the radio. Sometimes the transmission works, sometimes it doesn't.

In other news, I had to ref another of Jackson's games this morning. I was running backwards and in a moment of pure grace and agility I fell flat on my back and sprained my wrist pretty badly. It takes real skill to fall over your own feet.

the fine line

There is a fine line in blogging, what is too much information and what is being honest? I have spent the last year wondering if writing about my struggles with infertility would cross that line. I just finished reading the article Infertility: The Disease We Need to Start Talking About, and I decided that while I have been pretty open about what is going on perhaps there is more I can do to make infertility less of an unspoken battle.

Infertility is obviously not something that is solely associated with age. I am not infertile because I waited "too long" to have children but rather because I was born with less eggs than most girls, something I am told is a genetic condition. Because of this I will likely enter menopause around 35, something that will bring on a whole host of other health issues. So the simple truth is that infertility is a health issue.

A lot of health insurance plans won't cover IVF or other infertility treatments. I have been lucky so far that all my treatments have been covered but that coverage ends as Jackson and I get ready to start IVF. The reason insurance companies won't cover infertility treatments? There is the argument that having children is a lifestyle choice and not a medical necessity. Personally I struggle with this argument. I was put in this position by way of a genetic abnormality not because I chose to put a certain lifestyle ahead of another. At 24, 25 and 26 I should have and still be able to have children without the need of medical intervention. It's a medical condition that has rendered my ability to become pregnant without medical assistance virtually impossible.

This isn't an easy topic to broach. It is deeply personal and very emotional. Often I end up sobbing when talking about it which embarrasses me to no end. There is a vulnerability that is exposed when talking about infertility that is only compounded by crying, it is a sure way of letting the world know just how deeply you feel the loss. Crying aside, talking about infertility can be awkward. Awkward for me and awkward for you. Many people don't know what to say when talking about infertility and as I told my sister the other day, I am far from equipped for filling awkward silences and pauses.

Almost a year and a half ago when I started to think about seeing a reproductive endocrinologist I found that I was very thankful to my friends who had been open with me about their struggle to get pregnant, it was comforting to have a support system of women who had been there and done that. I often feel as though infertility is treated as a secret that I am trying to keep, and as anyone in my family can attest, I don't do well with secrets. They make me feel claustrophobic. If my friends had chosen to be less open I would probably not have been as open in sharing my frustrations with them. That would have made this difficult experience so much harder. The support of my family and friends has helped me infinitely. Secrecy begets secrecy and I am thankful they chose to break that chain because it helped me.

Did the blogging world really need to know this much about my personal life and struggles? Probably not. The reason I chose to share is that I hope being open will help someone who may be having a similar experience. If nothing else I hope that talking about it will be one more small step forward in removing the stigma attached to infertility.

another one bites the dust

Jackson and I knocked another item off our Ace Deuce bucket list. A night at Pinball Pete's. We paid five bucks to play pool, a race car game, hoops and skee ball. We got a whoopie cushion and a bouncy ball with the tickets we won. Total score.

We tried to play air hockey but as Jackson went around the side to put the quarters in he practically stepped on a teenage couple making out on the floor. Classic.